M'anam chara
by Shadowdust258
Summary: Hermione and Draco embarked on a passionate relationship when they were teenagers. During the War Hermione left Draco without a word. Five years later he turns up at her engagement party. How will events unfold?
1. M'anam Chara

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! All credit goes to J.K Rowling!**

**Ok so this was supposed to be a one-shot but it evolved! Its all written except for the last chapter though! **

**Hope you enjoy and please review!**

Hermione Granger sifted nimbly through the crowds of people waving at old friends, smiling at every murmur of "congratulations" that was thrown at her as she passed. It was her time. She was finally getting married and although she'd had her doubts, a lot of doubts, she was now contented with her decision. He would make her happy. He already had in so many ways. He was her best friend and even though they weren't the most compatible couple in the world, she was sure they'd be just fine. They hadn't killed each other yet at least.

She chuckled quietly to herself. They had their good and bad moments but overall she was certain that they were going to be able to make their marriage work. Besides, he was safe. He wouldn't hurt her; at least not intentionally anyway. He sometimes did things without thinking that upset her but he did love her and, really, what more could she ask for?

It wasn't a passionate kind of love…it was more sweet and cute. Everyone said they make a nice couple. Her level-headedness balanced his impulsiveness and so forth. But still deep, deep down in a closed off part of her heart, that was rarely opened, she wished for fierce passion and wild romance. She'd had it once and it had ended in tears but sometimes in the middle of the night she lay awake and looked over at her sleeping fiancé and her heart ached, just a tad, because she knew she would never experience that with him. Every time this happened she shrugged it off as if it didn't matter and thanked whatever higher power there was up there that she had her sweet, loving, _safe_ Ron.

She continued through the sea of people searching for her friends. She spotted them over by the drinks and adjusted her path to reach them. "Hey guys" She smiled happily.

"Hey Hermione" Harry and Ginny greeted her simultaneously as Ron wrapped an arm around her waist. She leaned her head on his shoulder; smiling softly. She was brimming with happiness. "Great party" Harry complimented; raising a glass and clinking it with Ron's.

"Thank Ginny! She organised the whole thing." Hermione said; smiling sweetly at her future Maid of Honour.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure to thank her later!" Harry promised as Ginny blushed and Ron choked on his drink.

"That's my sister!" Ron spluttered in between coughs.

"We know, we know" Hermione rolled my eyes. "You can withdraw your _permission_." She said; repeating Ron's much used mantra.

"Well-er…yeah" he mumbled.

"We've got the entire speech memorised already. There really is no need to go through it again." Ginny informed him; shaking her head.

Ron's ears started to redden and, Harry, as if sensing the coming onslaught quickly asked Ginny to dance. She consented immediately and they both hurried off in the direction of the dance floor.

Hermione sighed as she glanced at Ron's red ears. "I'm going to go out to the balcony to get some air." She told him before pecking him on the lips and setting off towards the balcony.

She moved through the masses again muttering apologies to those she needed to move past and accepting various compliments and congratulations aimed at her. She stepped out the doors and smiled as she rested her arms on the stone balcony. She stayed there for a few 

moments, transfixed by the silver moon spreading its glory on the lake below it. The lake seemed like a mirror, serene and tranquil. She was in awe; it was beautiful.

Her reverie was interrupted by the arrival of a House-Elf. She turned to face the Elf; a kind smile on her face. "Is everything alright, Limna?"

"Yes, Mistress. I was asked to give you a message." said Limna.

"Ok, what is it?" Hermione asked.

"'Our rose will never wilt, m'anam chara. That was the message, Miss." Limna replied.

M'anam chara…_my_ _soulmate_. Hermione's head started spinning. She remembered all the times that had been whispered softly in her ear. How he had murmured those words in her ear as she had endured pleasurable teasing; feather-soft caresses and passionate kisses. She recalled it all so vividly now. She had tried to keep it locked away, for fear of going mad, but those three words had wrenched it from its confinement. She remembered how hard it had been to bury those memories; to stop them haunting her. It had been a hard struggle and had been, such a painful process, but now it seemed that it had all been worthless. Three words had brought back everything and she wasn't sure if she had the strength to bury them again.

"Who told you to deliver this message?" Hermione questioned quickly.

"It was a man, Mistress. He wore a cloak. He didn't say his name. He said you would know who it was." The House-Elf answered.

It had to be _him_…didn't it? He was _here_. She suddenly felt faint and clutched at the balcony for support.

"Miss! Are you alright, Miss?" the House-Elf asked in a tone of frenzied panic.

"I'm fine, Limna." She cleared her throat and stood up straighter than before in an attempt to deal with this in a lady like fashion. "Thank you for delivering the message. You can go back to your other duties now." Hermione dismissed her.

The House-Elf scurried off and Hermione was left alone. She concentrated on breathing. In and out. Slowly and carefully. She focussed on regaining her composure. So what if he was here? She could handle it…couldn't she?

Suddenly, she heard a hooting noise. She whipped around to find a small snow-white owl on the other side of the balcony. It had a piece of parchment. She walked slowly over to the owl and procured it from him. Her heart was pounding madly as she unrolled the parchment and read the neat cursive.

_Ten minutes. The lake._

_Don't be late,_

_D_

Hermione glanced around to see if anyone inside had noticed the delivery. No one was taking any notice of her whatsoever. Good. She scrunched up the parchment in her hand. How dare he order her about like that? After all this time…and he had the audacity…he had always been like that, she supposed, but it still infuriated her.

"Should I go?" was the question that echoed through her mind.

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**Shadowdustxxx**


	2. Tá cion agam ort

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! Though I wish I did!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this story to your alerts list!**

**This chapter is pretty much a background to their relationship!**

**Hope you like it and please review!**

"Should I go?" she muttered to herself, her voice a tad hysterical. Probably not. It would just open up old wounds but, maybe, she should give herself a chance to explain. After all, she had left without a word; crept out into the dead of night. It was a heartless and cruel thing to do but Hermione was certain that it would have been ten times easier for him to move on then it was for her. She didn't eat, didn't sleep, and hardly talked. She wasn't herself…without him.

But it wasn't like she had a choice. It was during the War. They couldn't have been together; something would have forced them apart…or someone. Her friends, his family, Voldemort, Death Eaters…even her family would have been outraged and shocked if they'd known. She hadn't made it a secret when she came home for the Summer Holidays that she had despised him.

But that had changed; gradually. She didn't know why. It wasn't like he had abruptly transformed into a nice, decent, caring guy. He had still been a Slytherin through and through. She hadn't changed either. She had still been the intelligent, thoughtful, stubborn Gryffindor then too. They hadn't changed, not outwardly or inwardly, but something had. They had started to…notice each other. One accidental touch had led to undesirable feelings which had given rise to heated battles of wits as they _tried_ to forget the lust that had consumed them. Then one day someone lost control, they would argue over who had later, and somehow they'd kissed. It had been fiery, passionate, forceful and most of all…a battle of wills. Neither would let the other win dominance and so, as the desire for more became completely unbearable, they had started, angrily and vigorously, to tear off any unwanted garments. And later as they lay, exhausted and panting, on a classroom floor they began to regret. The question "What the hell did I just do?" echoed in both their minds.

They didn't move. They didn't touch. They didn't cover themselves. They just attempted to digest the events that had just unfolded until one; unable to say a word, sat up, trembling and unsettled, and gathered their belongings. The other followed suit; dressing slowly with shaking hands. They couldn't even make eye contact as they disappeared in opposite directions; hoping never to see the other again.

But they did. They had to; they went to the same school. They avoided places where they thought the other might be. He didn't go to the library. She didn't go to any Quidditch matches; no matter how much her friends pestered her to be there. She always found some assignment to occupy her mind in the library. He trained the most of all the pupils in the school at Quidditch and he, in turn, was rewarded with an obsession that would engage his attention, and drown out every moan, groan, and scream that echoed non-stop in his head, and leave him too exhausted to think as he lay in bed at night. He had discovered it was a _lot_ worse at night.

They carried on like that for months; not having anything to do with one another. Nobody else noticed; it wasn't like they were in any way close before. It wasn't strange or startling. The only thing different was the lack of insults, and really, wasn't that just a sign that they were maturing? Well, that was the accepted view by the majority anyway.

One night though, unbeknownst to each other, they had both ended up by the lake. She had tried to make a hasty exit but he had been sick of dancing around the _incident_. So he grabbed her arm. It seemed innocent enough but it evolved, as it had done before, into ripped robes and ferocious feelings of lust. This time they talked; staying up till dawn. They didn't bond; not then. But they decided that if they couldn't control the desires, that they might as well give into them. So they did. They didn't exchange many words but that was alright. They mutually thought that they were connected by lust alone and _not_ love; never love… but how wrong they were.

One night months later, in the moonlit darkness, he whispered a phrase in her ear. She didn't understand it so, being Hermione Granger, she researched it. In the Languages of the World section of her beloved library she found a book. And that book awakened her mind to a new language. Irish. She translated his phrase and stared in awe at the parchment before her. He couldn't have meant it…could he? _Tá cion agam ort…_I love you. She sat at that table for hours; disbelief in her eyes. Finally, Neville awakened her from her trance, as it was nearing curfew, and helped her back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

After midnight, two days later, she borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak and walked towards the dungeons of Hogwarts. She was frightened of what she might discover. She had crawled undetected into his bed. She wasn't self-conscious…what would that solve now? He had jerked awake at the feeling of his bed drooping under both their weights. She had covered his mouth, and she whispered "why did you say it?" into his ear.

He had frozen so she took away her hand and proceeded to take off the cloak. "Well?" she questioned quietly as she folded the cloak beside her.

"I felt it…I mean…" he tried to get his thoughts straight. "I think I love you."

"It would never work." She said as she propped herself up on her elbow; shaking her head.

"I know" he had said softly; his eyes filled with quiet yearning.

She looked him in the eye, they never did that, and she felt something change. His feelings were genuine; she was sure of that. But she needed to clear her head first. She needed to think about this. "I'm going to go back to my dorm." She murmured as she picked up the Invisibility Cloak.

He had just nodded silently as she departed.

Two weeks later, when he had given up almost all hope, they were both stuck in a traffic jam in the hallway. Peeves had been up to some kind of mischief. Hermione had brushed up against him and spoken an order into his ear; amidst the chaos. "Teach me Irish". He looked up at her in shock and then a smile had spread over his features; for a brief second. Then he masked it and sauntered off to class.

She had smiled joyfully after him. She had figured out that she loved him too. And she had decided that she had to _at least_ try. If she didn't try…how would she ever know what _might_ have been?

And so it began: the Prince and the Princess…but from two opposing kingdoms. They spoke only in Irish; to avoid other students overhearing their conversations. She was a quick learner and he was a good teacher. In classes they would exchange smiles and glances and, if possible, terms of endearment. He would walk behind her to the Store Cupboard and whisper sweet nothings.

He called her _m'anam cara_; my soulmate.

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**Lots of Love,**

** Shadowdustxxx**


	3. Ainmhian

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine!**

**Thanks so much to the people who habe reviewed and added this to their alerts list! **

**Hope you like the story and please review!**

It was perfect; _they_ were perfect. It was a fairytale but there was no happily ever after. The war started and they were torn apart. They tried to see each other whenever they could but one night she had left him; without saying goodbye and without giving any explanation. She left a note. She wrote the note in English, trying to distance herself from what was theirs, no doubt.

_Draco,_

_I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. My friends need me now and your mother needs you to protect her. There's no way we can continue this. It's for the best. Please understand,_

_Hermione._

She had cried as she left. She cried after she left. She _still _cried. But she had learned to bury her feelings. And when Ron had confessed his love for her, after the war had ended, she had seen it as an opportunity. He was a good man, a kind one too. He wasn't _him_. But Ron could make her happy; he already had. Her scars had started to heal. They would never be gone completely but she could sleep through the night now, peacefully and without waking up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat and regretting ever having left his side. Well, most of the time, at least.

And now _he_ was here, at her and Ron's engagement party. He wanted to see her. That had to be the reason he was here, right? But…did she want to see him? It had taken a long time to get over him and, really, was dragging up the past again going to help either of them? She 

sighed. Perhaps he needed closure but what she really needed was to forget. At least that's what she hoped he wanted.

Maybe he wanted revenge. She had hurt him so now he was here to hurt her. Was that it? Was that the reason he had come?

She had to find out. The only way to do so would be to the lake and see him. Face to face. Only a short distance would be between them. But she could control herself. She had endured the tragedy of losing him. She was happy now.

She followed the path to the lake. Her mind was racing. _He _would be there. And right then it didn't matter about anyone else in the world. He was there, waiting for her. But she forced that thought from her head. Ron still existed and so did her family and friends. She wouldn't have been able to get through this without them.

She was anxious as she wandered light on her feet, through the trees. When she reached the lake-shore, butterflies in her stomach took control. They wouldn't cease. She moved the last few metres to the opening. She took a deep breath and using all the Gryffindor courage she possessed stepped forward to confront her past.

He was there. Just as he said he would be.

She glanced at his figure; doing her best to avoid his eyes. She could still feel them boring into her though. She had to try to distance herself. She couldn't let herself be taken over by memories. They were just memories now; nothing more. Her future was with Ron.

"Cad atá cearr leat?" he smirked.

("What's wrong with you?")

"Nothing" she replied; staring at the ground.

"As Gaeilge, Más é do thoil é." He ordered.

("In Irish, if you please")

"Faic" she translated through gritted teeth. What authority did he have to come to her Engagement Party and tell her what to do?

("Nothing")

"Bhuel, bhuel" he said looking directly at her "Ní fhaca mé le fhada tú"

("Well, well" he said looking directly at her "I haven't seen you in a long time")

Hermione blushed pink; keeping her eyes on the ground.

He chuckled. "Tá súil agam go bhfuil tú i mbarr na sláinte"

("I hope you're in the best of health")

She gazed up at him hesitatingly. After a few moments she replied quietly "Gurb amhlaidh duit"

("The same to you")

"Ta tú go háilinn anocht" he complimented while looking her up and down.

("You're beautiful tonight")

"Cén fath go raibh tú anseo?" she asked; ignoring his last sentence. She looked at the ground. She tried to ignore her pounding heart but there was no escaping the thud it was making in her chest. Faster and faster. Because of his presence.

("Why are you here?")

"Chun tú féin a fheiceáil. Chun eolas a thabhairt duit arís."

("To see you. To remind you.")

"De chén rud?" She questioned breathlessly; not daring to turn her head towards him. Just having him here was enough to make her heart race, she didn't think she could handle the memories, which she had so carefully buried deep in her heart, being dragged to the surface again.

("Of what?")

"An chuimhin leat?" He smirked; closing any distance left between their two bodies. "Nuair a bhíomar ag bualadh craicinn ar an urlár…nuair a bhi tú ag béiceadh in ard a cinn is a ghútha…ag béiceadh m'ainm" He ran a finger down her arm. He shivered. "An chuimhin leat é sin?"

("Do you remember?" He smirked; closing any distance between their two bodies. "When we were fucking on the floor…when you were screaming at the top of your voice…screaming my name" He ran a finger down her arm. She shivered. "Do you remember that?")

"Stad! Bhí cúig bliana agat ach thainig tú _anocht_?! Níl sé sin cóir nó cothrom." She had to stop him. He was angry. She could see that now. She had hurt him and he was here to make her pay for that. He just didn't know how much she had hurt _herself_ by her actions, five years ago. Five years of sleepless nights, hot tears and bitter regrets and, now, he was here to make her feel _worse_?

(Stop! You had five years but you come _tonight_?! It's not right or fair.)

"Níl sé coir nó cothrom?" he repeated, aghast. "Níl tú in áit aon rud a rá."

("It's not right or fair?" he repeated, aghast. "You're in no place to talk.")

"Tá brón orm." She murmured.

("I'm sorry.")

And she meant it. She _was_ sorry.

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

** Shadowdustxxx**


	4. Paisean

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the story and added it to their alerts and favourites! **

**Hope you like this chapter and please review!**

"Tuisc gur fhaig tú? Tá fios agat gur chuaigh mé i do dhiadh! He was angry and hurtful memories and truths were starting to spill from his mouth. He wanted her to know what her actions had done to him. He wanted her to hurt. Is cuimhin liom go maith é. Do nóta…an nota d'fhág tú. Agus cad a rinne mise? Nuair a chonaic mé do nóta rith me amach an doras. Bhí an bháisteach ag titim go trom agus bhí dath dubh ar an spéir. Bhí an áit ar fad tréigthe. Ní raibh duine na deoraí le feiceáil in aon áit. His voice broke with emotion. Ní raibh tú féin á fheiceáil in aon áit. Bhí mé ag béiceadh in ard mo chinn is mo ghútha. Freagra ní bhfuair mé ach macalla mo ghútha féin ag filleadh ar ais chugam. Nuair a bhí an ghrian sa spéir chuaigh mé ar ais go dtí an teach. Chuaigh mé a luí ach má chuaigh níor thit mo choladh orm. Ní raibh ar mo chumas focal a rá. Thit an lug ar an lag agam ar an oiche sin." The defeat and pain in his eyes hurt her to see. _She_ had caused that. And now he was re-opening his own wounds to show her the consequences of her actions.

("Because you left? You know, I went after you!" He was angry and hurtful memories and truths were starting to spill from his mouth. He wanted her to know what her actions had done to him. He wanted her to _hurt_. "I remember it well. Your note…the note you left. And what did I do? When I saw your note I ran out the door. The rain was falling heavily and the sky was black. The whole place was deserted. There wasn't a saint or a sinner to be seen anywhere." His voice broke with emotion. "_You _weren't to be seen anywhere. I was shouting at the top of my voice. I didn't get an answer but the echo of my own voice returning to me. When the sun was in the sky I went back to the house. I went to bed but I couldn't fall asleep. My world fell apart that night." The defeat and pain in his eyes hurt her to see. _She_ had caused that. And now he was re-opening his own wounds to show her the consequences of her actions. )

"Agus cén bhaint atá aige liomsa anois?" Hermione attempted to build a wall. She had to keep the past and the present separate. Draco was her past but Ron was her present and her future.

("What's that got to do with me now?")

"Faic, is dócha." he replied quietly. Sorrow and loneliness were seeping from every fibre of his being.

("Nothing, I suppose.")

"Chun na fírinne a insint, Bhí trua agam duit."

("To tell the truth, I have pity for you.")

"Dún do bhéal, ní fonn orm do thrua." His anger began to come to the surface again.

("Shut your mouth. I don't want your pity.")

"Tá brón orm." She said delicately. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know what to do. She didn't even know what to _think_.

("I'm sorry")

He was silent for a few moments before asking. "Inis dom…an bhfuil tú i ngrá le Ron?"

("Tell me…are you in love with Ron?")

"Seachain de ghnó féin." Automatically her defensive side leapt into action.

("Mind your own business")

"Ní freagra é sin"

("That's not an answer")

She sighed. "Tá muid dálta le chéile"

("We're engaged")

"Ní freagra é sin arís" he was starting to get irritated by her resistance to answering.

("Again, that's not an answer")

"Táim i ngrá leis" she hoped he would stop this soon. He knew her too well for her to convincingly lie her way through this interrogation.

("I'm in love with him.")

"An bhfuil tú i ngrá leis coisuil a tslí a raibh tú i ngrá liomsa?" He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. He looked her straight in the eyes. She had no choice but to gaze back at his. She could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes and she was compelled to speak the truth.

("Are you in love with him the same way you were in love with me?")

"A mhalairt ar fad atá fíor….is cara é...sin é. Ach tá áthas orm. Agus tá áthas an-thabthach, i mo thuairmise. Nach leor é sin?"

("The opposite is true…he's a friend…that's it. But I'm happy. And happiness is important in my opinion. Isn't that enough?")

"Nach méanar duit?" He smirked once more. "Ach tá fhios agam go bhfuil cion agat _orm_."

("Isn't it well for you?" He smirked once more. "But I know that you're in love with _me_.")

"A leithéid de ráimeis níor chuala mé riamh" She shook his hands away and faced towards the lake. He didn't give up though.

("That's the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard.")

"I ndáiríre?" He grabbed her wrist and turned her around to face him. He knew she found it harder to lie when she was looking someone directly in the eyes. She blushed. She looked away. She mumbled. She confused her words. It was so easy to tell. The trouble was her stubbornness. It was unrelenting. "Tá fhios agam go bhfuil sé sin fíor."

("Really?" He grabbed her wrist and turned her around the face him. He knew she found it harder to lie when she was looking someone directly in the eyes. She blushed. She looked away. She mumbled. She confused her words. It was so easy to tell. The trouble was her stubbornness. It was unrelenting. "I know that it's true.")

"An bodhar atá tú?" she hissed "Tá mé i ngrá le Ron."

("Are you deaf?" she hissed. "I'm in love with Ron.")

"Ná habair liom é sin." He commanded; running a hand softly down her neck. Her breathing quickened. "Ní raibh sé fíor."

("Don't tell me that." He commanded; running a hand softly down her neck. Her breathing quickened. "It's not true.")

He seized her arms in his hands. She struggled but couldn't get free. She watched him with a defiant look in her eyes. Neither spoke. Her heart was racing and for a moment, just for a moment, she forgot that any time had passed. They were back by the lake in Hogwarts making love in the twilight of the evening. And as he bent his head to kiss her she let her old feelings take control of her body. She kissed him back with passion, eagerness and love.

It was fiery. It was intense. It was breathtaking. It was love.

**Thanks for reading! Please Review!**

**Hugs and Kisses,**

**Shadowdustxxx**


	5. Neart, Grá agus Onóir

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favourties! Glad you like it!**

**Please Review!**

_**Neart, Grá agus Onóir ****Strength, Love and Honour**_

But reality soon came back to haunt her. It didn't matter that her old sentiments for Draco had come into the light, Ron was her fiancé. She didn't want to hurt him. She _wouldn't_ hurt him.

"Stop é. Tá tú glan as do mheabhair. Stad! Go hIfreann leat!"

("Stop it! You're completely out of your mind! Stop! To hell with you!")

"An gabh tú tuilleadh?" he chuckled as she started to move his lips towards hers again. His hands moved from her arms. One went round her waist and the other cradled her head.

("Will you have some more?")

She wanted this. But she knew she couldn't have it. Dracoknew that she wanted this though and he didn't give up easily. Not at all. She was going to have to be forceful. She loved Ron. Maybe there wasn't much passion or excitement but Ron was one of her best friends. They would build a good life together. Life with Ron would be safe whereas life with Draco would be unpredictable. Life with him would most likely end in tears.

"Stop!" She said, attempting to be forceful. "Ní tharlóidh sé arís, geallaimse duit." She was trying to convince herself as well.

("Stop!" She said, attempting to be forceful "It _won't_ happen again, I promise you.")

"Cad a bhí déanta as an tslí agam?" he demanded.

("What did I do wrong?")

"Ní féidir liom" she said. She was begging him to understand the situation she was in. Maybe even empathise. Ron was her best friend and she was happy with him…most of the time…but it was becoming increasingly apparent that her feelings for Draco hadn't disappeared as she had willed them to. They were still there…maybe even stronger than they once were. Perhaps absence did make the heart grow fonder.

("I can't")

"Bíodh ciall agat" he urged.

(Have sense)

"Ná bí dom chrá." She implored quietly. Her voice grew stronger as she carried on. She _needed_ him to leave. She had to think. She had a lot of thinking to do. "Fág mo radharc."

("Don't be tormenting me." She implored quietly. Her voice grew stronger as she carried on. She _needed_ him to leave. She had to think. She had a lot of thinking to do. "Get out of my sight.")

"Maith dom é." He paused for a moment. "Déanaim comhghairdeas leat."

("Forgive me" He paused for a moment. "Congratulations.")

"Go raibh maith agat." She answered. Her voice was almost inaudible.

("Thank you")

"Tar éis an tsaoil, ní mór dúinn deoch a ól ar ár náire. Is fearr glas ná aimhleas…más fíor bréag é an freagra a faigheann tú" he uttered before turning his back on her and apparating away.

("When all is said and done, we must swallow our pride. It's better to be sure than sorry…whether the answer you get is true or otherwise.")

And he was gone. She was separated from him once more. It hurt. What's more, it was done by her own doing. As it was on that fateful night, five years ago. And once more, she only had herself to blame. She had left then…and she had asked him to leave now.

She had got what she wanted. She had told him to leave and he had granted her request. So, why did it feel like her heart was being cruelly torn apart? Why wasn't she happy that the intruder had left? Why was she sobbing her heart out on the muddy, dirty lake-shore? Why had she sunk to the ground, amidst the debris and grime, the moment she had realised that he had left? Gone. Left for good. Left her. Just as she had left him. Were they even now? Was this his plan for revenge? Did he just come to force her to remember? To leave her feeling this _empty _inside? "No" she thought. She wasn't empty. She still had a heart even if it was floating around inside her in smithereens. It was still there, just broken.

She had conjured up day-dreams in which she had seen _him_ again. She had run into his arms. He had held her close. He had forgiven her. They had spent the night in each others arms. They had left all their troubles behind. It was just her and him and…they had _always_ lived happily ever after. With no interruptions, no angry and disappointed friends and family. They were forgotten. It was just her and him. But it was just a dream. It _could _never happen. It _should_ never happen. Now, it _would_ never happen.

And, why? Because she had left. She hadn't _tried_. She had never told anyone about their relationship. She had never tried to make anyone accept that they loved each other. She only had herself to blame. She had just asked him to leave. Once more, she hadn't tried. Once more, she only had herself to blame for her broken heart.

And she knew it.

And it hurt.

And she didn't know if she was strong enough to let go. Not again.

It was so hard last time. This time he had left her. She had asked him to. But now she knew how it felt to be the one left behind. And he had learned how to break a heart. He had learned from her.

She had taught him everything he knew.

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

**Shadowdustxxx**


	6. Céadsearc

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!**_

**_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favourites!_**

_**Hope you like it! Please Review!**_

_**Céadsearc- first love** _

She wiped her tears. She stood up. She cleaned the mud-stains from her dress with her wand and headed back up to the party. She had survived heartbreak once. She would survive it again.

"Hermione" she heard a familiar voice call as she entered through the solid, oak doors.

"Hey Harry" she smiled, albeit weakly.

"You alright?" he questioned; looking concerned. "Did something happen?"

She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. "Yeah, of course. I'm fine nothing happened."

"Ok" He left it at that. He didn't push it. "Well…anyway, Ron's attempting a chorus of 'My wonderful witch Wanda'. It's hilarious stuff! You should go listen." He chuckled.

"I'm not really in the mood" Hermione said as she made her way for the stairs. Harry's gentle hand clasped her wrist, preventing her from fleeing to her room.

"Hermione, tell me what's wrong. You were so happy earlier."

She turned to face him. "I haven't been _really_ happy in a long time, Harry" she replied. He looked confused. He saw her red eyes but couldn't bring himself to question what she meant. She pulled her hand from his and continued up the stairs.

She walked through her bedroom door, closed it, and leaned against it. The tears welled up again and she did nothing to stop them falling.

Half an hour later, she heard a knock from the other side of the door. "Hermione, I know you're in there. Let me in." Harry called.

She sighed. She was too tired for this. Seeing Draco again had drained her, both physically and emotionally. She opened the door. He gazed in shock at her red eyes, wet cheeks and dishevelled hair. "Tell me what happened." He said in a low, urgent voice.

She motioned for him to come inside and shut the door behind him. He stepped inside; not taking his eyes from her face. "So?" he prompted.

She opened her mouth but didn't succeed in getting any words out. She closed it and tried again. "Harry, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?" he asked gently.

"Back in Hogwarts…before the War…before everything, there was this guy and, well, one night we slept together. We didn't mean it to happen or anything."

"So you had a one night-stand? Hermione, it happens. Nobody's going to think any less of you." He smiled; trying to reassure her.

"It wasn't a one night-stand. It went on for months." She admitted.

"Did you love him?" Harry asked her quietly.

She looked him straight in the eyes. "Yes."

"And now he's back?" Harry guessed.

"Yes" she breathed.

"Are you going to leave Ron for some other guy you loved before?" he questioned.

"I would _never_ do that! Ron means too much to me." She told him icily.

"You said you 'haven't been happy in a really long time'. Are you just staying with him out of obligation? Do you even love him?" he had always suspected that Hermione only loved Ron as a friend, a dear friend…but a friend nonetheless. Now it seems his suspicions were about to be confirmed.

"How can you say that? Of course, I love him!"

"Just not in the way he deserves." Harry stated.

Neither spoke for a few minutes. They were both lost in their own thoughts. After a while Harry broke the silence. "So who is he? This guy you can't forget?"

She hesitated before answering. "Draco Malfoy"

"Malfoy?" he questioned in disbelief. "Malfoy? Draco Malfoy? You love _Draco_ _Malfoy_?" He stared at her face in horror. Hermione could hardly suppress the thrill she felt at hearing his name and the uncomfortable way her stomach was flipping.

"The one and only" Hermione replied bitterly.

Harry masked the revulsion on his face and attempted to comprehend how one of his best, and most dear, friends could ever love _Malfoy_. He went to the bed and sat down; resting his head in his hands.

"Do you hate me now?" Hermione whispered.

"No!" He responded fervently; lifting his head from his hands. "I could _never_ hate you, Hermione. Ok? Let's just figure this out."

She nodded. At least she hadn't lost Harry because of her way-ward feelings. Harry rose from the bed and started pacing up and down the room.

"Did he come here tonight? What did he say?" he asked.

"Yes. He was angry that I left. He said he loved me." She confessed.

"Go to him. Tell him the truth. You're not doing anyone any favours by keeping up this lie." He instructed her. "I'll take care of Ron" She could see the turmoil he was going through in his vivid, green eyes. She knew he wanted her to be happy but she also knew that he wasn't too happy that_ Malfoy _was the one she couldn't get out of her head. He wasn't overjoyed at her revelation but he would learn to accept it in time.

"What?" she asked; utterly astounded.

He paused as he struggled to get his sentences in order. "Before the war started, when you came back, to join the rest of us at the encampment, you were so broken and so filled with pain. We didn't know what to do but we wanted to protect you. You wouldn't tell us what happened, remember?"

"I remember" She winced at the memories. She couldn't eat. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to go on. It told all her determination not to go back to Draco and beg him to take her back.She knew he friends needed her but, Merlin, it was so hard. Sacrifice may be the purest form of love but it wounded her deeply.

"Well, Ron stepped into the protector role. He didn't want anyone to hurt you. He didn't want you to end up like that again. He liked being the hero and you needed someone to save you. So you guys were a perfect fit. But I don't think he is truly in love with you either. I mean, you and Ron are great friends but has it ever stepped over the line between friends and lovers?"

"No. Not really" she divulged.

"You're sure Draco is the one you want?" he said softly.

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life" Hermione declared firmly.

"If he hurts you, he'll have an army of people seeking retribution." Harry chuckled. He was serious though. He wasn't going to let anyone make her hurt again.

"Thanks, Harry" she murmured. It was good to know that her friends weren't going to desert her because of the unalterable choices of her heart.

He smiled encouraging at her but she could still see the conflict in his eyes. "Good luck" he wished as he opened the door for her. "Wait; do you know where he'll be?"

She smiled softly to herself. "Yeah, I think I have an idea."

She knew exactly where he'd be.

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

** Shadowdustxxx**


	7. Tiocfaidh ár lá

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!**_

**_Thanks so much to everyone's who's added this to their favourites and alerts! and a special thanks to everyone who's reviewed! :)_**

**_Sorry for not updating yesterday! Breaking Dawn came out! so I was at a friend's house reading all day! You know, the thing with Jacob...I told my friend to write the exact same thing in her fanfiction a couple of months ago! When I read it in the book I was screaming "No! No! No!" I was distraught!! But yeah it was a good storyline, I guess! I just wished I hadn't thought of it...It would have been a good surprise! sigh And then the thing with Edward in the first part had me and my friend screaming how much we hated him! and how much we wished she'd go off with Jacob! But don't worry he redeemed himself! Thankfully! We love Edward again! it was different, not bad, just different! I loved it though! Planning a re-read when I have the next chapter of this written!_**

**_So here's chapter seven! Enjoy! and please review!_**

_**Tiocfaidh ár lá- Our day will come  
**_

She apparated to Hogsmeade. She glanced around. There were some people hanging about the village. Some stumbling. Some singing. Most just having fun. She turned away from them and stepped inside the door of the Hog's Head.

She glanced around. Nobody was taking much notice of her so she stepped up to the counter. "Hello" she greeted the familiar face behind the counter. "I hope you've been well, Aberforth." she smiled timidly.

"I'm well" he answered. Curious about what brought her to his pub in the middle of the night, no doubt. "And yourself?" He asked; using a dirty rag to clean some glasses.

"I'm fine" Hermione replied. Aberforth grunted in response.

"Another Firewhiskey over here" a man called from the other side of the bar. Aberforth nodded in response. He grabbed a glass, filled it, and levitated it over to the waiting customer.

"Put it on my tab" the man shouted over the noise.

"Yeah, yeah" Aberforth muttered; going back to cleaning glasses. Not that they were getting much cleaner, anyway. "So can I get you anything?" he asked her.

"Oh, no thank you" Hermione replied. "Um…I was just wondering if I could use the portrait. I need to get to Hogwarts urgently."

He scrutinised her for a lengthy moment before consenting. "Alright. Follow me." He ordered. "Gibbons, you're in charge of the bar for the next few minutes. Nothing gets stolen, you hear?" he told a _slightly_tipsy man sitting at the bar.

"Got it" the man responded in a slurred voice.

"Come on, come on." He urged Hermione as she walked behind him up the stairs.

"Right well…here we are. You know what to do." He said; making for the door.

"Thank you, Aberforth" she called after his retreating figure.

Then she took down the portrait and moved her way through the passage.

She was nervous. Her hands were clammy and the butterflies in her stomach were working overtime. She sighed. She was _so_ nervous. She had reason to be. She had run away from their relationship. And earlier that night she had rejected him. He had every reason to hate her. He had every reason to never want to see her again. She had made all the decisions.

But she remembered Draco's words from earlier that night and they inspired her to keep walking forward. Every step took her closer to him. Every step took her closer to knowing her fate. "Tar éis an tsaoil, ní mór dúinn deoch a ól ar ár náire. Is fearr glas ná aimhleas…más fíor bréag é an freagra a faigheann tú."

("When all is said and done, we must swallow our pride. It's better to be sure than sorry…whether the answer you get is true or otherwise.")

She knew she had to try. Once more. She had to keep trying. If he took her back, she wasn't going to run away. Not this time. This time she was going to give all of herself to him. She wasn't going to hold back just because someone mightn't have a good opinion of their relationship. She was going to fight. She was going to keep fighting. Giving up was _not _an option.

She didn't want to go through that pain again. She wanted to be with him. Forever. But first she had to put her heart on the line.

And that was _such_ a scary thing to do.

She was _terrified_.

What if he deemed it time to exact revenge? To reject her as she had rejected him? To hurt her? To cause her pain?

She wasn't going to turn back now though. It was time.

And as she stepped into the Room of Requirement she stood tall. She held her head up high. She could do this. Many people had done this before her, confessed their love for another human being without knowing the consequences of their words and actions. She would follow in their footsteps.

It was time to tell the truth. It was time to admit her feelings. It was time to tell Draco she loved him with all her heart. It was time to put her Gryffindor courage to good use. It was time to fight for what she desired. For what she wanted. For what she craved. For what she _needed_.

She needed him. And she was going to let him know that. She took a deep breath as she settled her hand on the knob of the door. She opened it and crept quietly outside. She didn't think a run-in with Peeves would help her right now.

She was heading for the lake. It was their place. The place where she _hoped_ he'd be tonight. She wasn't completely sure. All she had was a vague hope. How much did she really know him after five years apart? She didn't even know herself anymore. She had changed when she had lost him. He had changed too. She had seen that earlier. He was bitterer now…had she done that?

She didn't know. But she would do anything to see a smile on his face. A real smile; not just another annoying, arrogant smirk. She hoped she could make it happen. She was determined to do so.

She slipped out an oak door into the cool, crisp night air. She walked swiftly through the grounds of Hogwarts. She didn't spare a glance to drink in the beauty of the night, the moon and the stars making pictures amongst the shadows. Her mind was focussed solely on Draco. She had to make him see. To make him understand her reasons for doing what she did. She was prepared to go down on her knees and beg for forgiveness.

She would do anything to feel those sentiments again. Love. Lust. Passion. Romance. Desire. And most of all…pure, unadulterated happiness.

She was so caught up in her thoughts of Draco that, when his silhouette appeared in front of her, she was completely surprised. She gasped. He heard the sound and spun his head around to face her. Total shock resonated throughout his features. He hadn't been expecting her.

"Draco" she whispered, her voice consumed with emotion.

This was the time. This was the place. This was the boy she had loved. That she still loved with every fibre of her being. This was the man she had chosen.

He was her _anam chara_…her soulmate.

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

**Shadowdustxxx**


	8. Mo mhuirnín

**_Disclaimer: All credit goes to J.K. Rowling! :)_**

**_A huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed the story!_**

**_A special thank you to Kazfeist for motivating me! :)_**

**_P.S If you notice grammar and/or spelling mistakes could you PM me? My beta appears to be MIA! I was going to invite her down tonight to have a girly night in (parents are out, I'm all alone) but no such luck!_**

**_Anyway this is chapter 8! Please Review!_**

They stared at each other for a moment, both trying to come up with the courage to say something. Hermione had to remember to breathe. In and out. Slowly. Carefully.

She tried to remember what she was going to say. But no words reached her lips. All she wanted to do was to grab him and kiss him but she knew that wouldn't have been met with a favourable reaction. She knew she had to explain herself. To explain her side of the story. To tell him everything she had felt as she had left him five years ago. To tell him everything she had felt only two hours earlier.

She had to make him see that he was her everything. That he was her m'anam chara. That nothing would change that. _Nothing._ She would see to that. She wouldn't hurt him again. She couldn't. Leaving him had caused her the worst pain she had ever felt in her life. It tore through her. It never relented.

The pain was still there. She had learned how to act as if everything was perfect. She had learned to pretend that the never-ending dull throb in her chest didn't exist. Nobody else knew about it. But _she_ did. And that was all that mattered. Her memories were still there to torture her. She didn't want to remember but she knew she was destined never to forget.

Every minute of every day she felt it. The ache. The pain. Every second she cursed her own actions five years ago. No words were strong enough to describe the distaste she had felt towards herself when she had arrived back to the encampment that night, all those years ago. Sure, she may have thought it was for the best but nothing could satisfy the pain she had felt. Nothing ever had completely.

She was here to make things right. She would beg for forgiveness if she had to. She would do anything to feel that happiness again. The happiness she had only ever achieved with Draco. She would do anything to make him happy again. She had put him through so much.

She knew now that she should have tried.

She knew that she needed him now more than ever.

She knew she wanted him, only him, for the rest of her life.

She knew that he was her m'anam chara and that she would strike down anyone who ever stood between them again.

She also knew that if Draco asked her to leave right now she would. If it was what he wanted. If he couldn't find it in his heart to forgive her. Then she would walk away. Even if it killed her.

She would die trying.

Draco broke the silence. He breathed deeply. "Cén fath go bhfuil tú ann?" he asked. His voice was low and rough.

(Draco broke the silence. He breathed deeply. "Why are you here?" he asked. His voice was low and rough.)

"Anois an t-am." She said. She tried to show confidence. To show determination. She looked him in the eyes. This was her last chance. She would have no more. This was her last shot at getting everything she had ever wanted. She wasn't going to give up. Not for anything.

("Now's the time")

He raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word.

"Caithfidh mé a rá…tá mé i ngrá leatsa freisin."

("I have to say…I'm in love with you too")

"Céard atá á rá leat? Éirigh as nó duitse is measa." He wasn't willing to put his heart in her hands. Not again. She had already crushed it twice.

("What are you saying? Stop or you'll pay for it.")

"Tá sé fíor. Nach bhfuil aon mhuinín agat agam?"

("It's true. Don't you have any trust in me?")

"Creidim thú…ach…" he murmured quietly.

("I believe you…but…")

"Ná cloisim 'ach' uait." She stepped towards him, holding her hand out as if to touch her cheek. "Tá mé i ngrá leat."

("I don't want to hear 'but' from you" She stepped towards him, holding her hand out as if to touch her cheek. "I'm in love with you")

He moved a step back from her. She dropped her hand. "Fuadach ort. Cailleach." He spat. "Céard atá uait?"

(He moved a step back from her. She dropped her hand. "Damn you. Witch." He spat. "What do you want?")

"Tusa" she whispered. Defiance showed in her eyes but he didn't dare to hope. What if she should decide that she didn't want him there by her side once again? He didn't want to go through that again. What happened between the two of them had left him guarded. He had built up a wall; one he thought couldn't be breached.

But when he heard about her engagement he knew he had to see her again. He had to know. He had to know if it had really been that easy for her to move onto someone else. Seeing her again had been hard. Difficult. Challenging. And most of all painful. She had rejected him again. Was this just some kind of sick game to her?

("You")

"Tá tú ag magadh fúm anois." He turned his eyes away.

("You're mocking me now.")

"An dóigh leat?" she questioned softly.

("Do you think so?")

"N'fheadar" he pinched the top of his nose between his thumb and fore-finger. He didn't know what to believe anymore.

("I don't know")

"Ní bréag é."

("It's not a lie")

He shook his head and turned away. He didn't think he could do this anymore. "Ní féidir a chur ina luí orm"

(He shook his head and turned away. He didn't think he could do this anymore. "Nothing will convince me.")

Hermione knew that she would just have to do her utmost to prove him wrong.

She wouldn't give up on them. The two of them. Together.

Not again.

They were meant for each other.

She knew that.

But did Draco?

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

** Shadowdustxxx**


	9. Is tusa grá mo shaol

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!_**

**_Sorry for the long delay! Ugh, seems like I have to say that everytime I come on here! Anyway just been bogged down with studying for the leaving cert! _**

**_This is the second last chapter of m'anam chara! There will be another one chapter to tell what happened to Draco in the years before he saw Hermione again. And it kinda tells what happened to Hermione too!_**

**_Anyway hope you enjoy! and please tell me what you think! :)_**

"An mar sin é?"

("Is that so?")

She edged closer to him. She kept her eyes locked with his. His eyes were confused. She reached up on her tip-toes and pecked him on the lips. Just a tiny little kiss. It lasted barely a second. But it had an effect. She knew it did. She knew him too well. He sighed and closed his eyes. Trying to control his emotions. Trying to control himself. Trying to keep his focus.

"Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat." He muttered after a moment.

("May the cat eat you and may the cat be eaten by the devil")

She smiled softly. "Ta mé i ngrá leat. Thabharfainn fuil mo chroí duit. Beidh grá agam duit, go scaradh an bás sinn"

("I love you. I'd give you the blood of my heart. I'll love you until death do us part.")

"Ní shea, tá an ceart agat níos luath. Is é ró-dheanach dúinn."

("No. You were right earlier. It is too late for us")

"Bhí sé sin bréagach ach _tá sé _seo fíor; geallaimse duit. Tá cion agam ort."

("That was untrue but this _is_ true; I promise you. I love you.")

"Conas go bhfuil sé sin ar eolas agam go bhfuil sé fíor?" he asked, thinly veiling his doubt.

(How do I know that it's true?)

"Tuisc gur dúirt mé é" Confidence that she didn't possess colouring her voice.

("Because I said so")

He raised an eyebrow. Obviously, that wasn't going to do the trick. She decided to try a different approach. She wanted to show him that she would be totally committed to a renewal of their love. There was only one way she could think of to show him that.

She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and began. "We don't need to use Irish anymore, you know. I don't want to hide this…to hide us." She took a step towards him. "I want everyone to know how I feel about you."

"I'm not ashamed of you" she put her two hands on either side of his face. He didn't slap them away. That was a good sign, right? "We don't have to hide anymore. I'm not scared. I just want to be with you. Now and forever."

She knew that it was him she wanted. It always had been. Even though she had done her utmost to convince herself otherwise; she had never really succeeded. She had always known deep down that it was him. It had always been him. It would always be him.

They had used Irish to hide their relationship. To ensure that nobody at Hogwarts suspected that they were lovers. But she wasn't going to hide the fact that she was his any more. And he was hers. Well, she hoped he would be at least.

She wasn't going to do that anymore. This was the part where the end of that phase of their relationship began. If he had her back she would announce it to the entire Wizarding world. She would announce it to the globe on Muggle TV. She would announce it to extraterrestrials on a satellite. She would do anything.

Absolutely anything for him. For happiness. For love.

"Hermione…"

She stood up on her tippy-toes and pressed her lips lightly to his. He didn't respond for a second, as if he was still doubtful of her intentions. She didn't falter though. This was her last chance. She needed him and he needed to know that.

And when he wrapped his arms around her waist and applied more pressure to her lips, she knew that they belonged to each other, once more. She knew that he desired the same things she did. She slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him back deeply, overcome with passion and love.

She could have kissed him forever, but it still would never have been enough. Unfortunately oxygen was an annoying necessity. She broke anyway from their kiss softly.

She lowered her gaze to the ground. The butterflies started fluttering madly in her abdomen. Fear rose in her chest. What if he didn't want this? What if he didn't want her?

She wanted to speak but words wouldn't come easily. But then she felt Draco kiss the top of her head. She relaxed a little. She leaned her head against his chest, as she concentrated on the feeling of love seeping from every fibre of her being. From every corner of her soul. From every drop of blood in her heart. It called out for him. For his touch. For his kiss. For his heart in return.

And now that she had his heart, his body and his soul, she couldn't stop the feeling of exhilaration she felt. That feeling you get when you're with your _anam chara_, your soulmate.

She felt him raise his hand. His fingers started to play with a curl. She gazed up at him. He gave her a slow smile. She couldn't help it. She blushed pink but couldn't hide the gloriously happy smile on her face. Nor did she want to. She had everything she wanted. Everything she desired. Everything she had always hoped for. She was blissfully happy.

Draco cleared his throat and started to speak. He captured her eyes with his. His voice was rough and saturated with emotion and most of all…love. "Is tusa grá mo shaol. Is tusa chuisle mo chroí…Is tusa m'anam chara. Tá mé i ngrá leat. An bpósaidh tú mé?"

("You are the love of my life, the treasure of my heart…my soulmate. I love you. Will you marry me?")

"Cinnte, pósfaidh mé thú" she whispered.

("Yes. Of course I'll marry you.")

His fingers moved from the curl to trace her lips. "An féidir liom?" he asked.

("May I?")

"Póg mé"

("Kiss me")

He bent his head and kissed her. It was electric. She could feel it to the tips of her toes. She could feel it _everywhere_.

Behind her was the lake; the lake which had seen the many stages in their relationship. The lake they had lain before on warm summer as the silver moon shone down on them. The lake where Draco had told her he loved her for the first time. The lake where she had just now consented to becoming his wife. Hermione knew that you can drown in water and you can drown in love. And even though they can both be dangerous, they're impossible to live without. And so you may have to go to great efforts in order to obtain either. But it will always be worth it. For you need both to survive.

**_A/N: "Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat."_**

**_("May the cat eat you and may the cat be eaten by the devil") - This is an old Irish phrase it pretty much means "may bad things happen to you"_**

**_Thanks for reading,_**

**_Please Review,_**

**_Lots of Love,_**

**_ Shadowdustxxx_**


	10. Cairdeas

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their alerts!**

**Hope you enjoy and please review!**

"Are you alright?" Draco asked; concern evident in his voice.

"I'm fine" She replied with a small tentative smile.

He rolled his eyes at her. "Tell me the truth"

Hermione chastised herself for being such a terrible liar. She decided to tell him the truth. He had probably already guessed. It was the reason they were sitting here, on a comfortable white couch, halfway between dusk and dawn. "I'm just worried about telling Ron about us."

His eyes turned to face the window, deep in thought. I gave him a moment. He was paralysed by the glowing stars shining through the un-curtained windows. Thoughts passed behind his eyes like shadows. He nodded to himself before meeting my gaze.

"Perhaps, I should speak with him alone first" he suggested.

She shook her head. She knew it had to be her. It was the right thing to do. And it had to be done face to face too. There was no escaping this. She would just have to face up to the consequences of her actions.

She had willingly given into lust that first night with Draco all those years ago.

She had done so again on numerous occasions in the months following.

She had had a choice between walking away and starting a real relationship with him.

She had made the decision to leave him, she had made the decision to speak with him earlier that night and she had decided to run after him to the lake where it all began.

It was her choice.

It had all been her choice.

Nobody had forced her.

It was time to accept the consequences and hope for forgiveness.

Even if she wasn't sure she deserved it.

She knew that Harry had already told him about Draco but she had to try to explain. To tell him her side of the story. To let him know that it was never her intention to hurt him.

She picked imaginary lint from the sleeve of her cardigan. It was agony waiting like this. What if he didn't want to hear what she had to say? What it she had hurt him too much to ever be forgiven?

She knew that she had Draco now. Now and forever. She knew that he was her anam chara. She knew that nothing could ever take him away from her again.

But she also knew that Ron had been the one who was there for her for the past few years. He had been the one to pick her up when she fell. She had depended on him for everything. Especially for the first few months after she had left Draco. He never asked any questions. He understood that it wasn't something she was ready to talk about. He just helped her through the pain. Always giving, never taking. She had depended on him as both a protector and a friend. And the thought that he may no longer want her in his life was too painful to consider.

Maybe it was selfish to keep holding on to him. Perhaps she was holding him back from being happy. From moving on. But she needed him. He was her friend and she hoped he always would be.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Limna, the House-elf. "Master Weasley is on his way" she informed the waiting guests. Hermione nodded faintly. Limna then bowed and scurried out the door.

Draco took her hand and kissed it lightly. "It's going to be alright" A smile appeared on Hermione's face; albeit a small one. She heard footsteps. Coming closer and closer. Getting a little louder with every step. She took a deep breath; preparing herself for whatever Ron's reaction was.

Ron appeared by the doorway. "Malfoy" he uttered quietly. "Hermione"

"Weasley" Draco returned the unenthusiastic greeting.

"Hi, Ron" Hermione said with a shaky voice. Ron nodded before taking a seat on the plush armchair opposite the couch. His eyes skipped around the room; left, right. Anything to escape her eyes. A crimson flush spread up from under his collar.

"Ron…" she whispered; pleading with him to look into her eyes. To see how sorry she was that they had ended up like this. To see that she wished him happiness and joy. To see that she needed his forgiveness, and his blessing.

After a few moments he plucked up the courage to look her in the eyes. He smiled. Just a faint, soft smile. But one that meant the world to Hermione. She knew that there was a colossal struggle going on behind it. She appreciated the immense effort he was going to.

To accept Malfoy.

To maintain some semblance of their friendship in spite of everything.

To act like none of this bothered him in the slightest.

No words were necessary.

With Ron's little act of kindness, of generosity even, she knew she was forgiven. She knew that he wasn't going to hold this against her. She knew that he wouldn't make her out to be a traitor for doing this to him.

But she also knew how hard it must be for him to see her here with Malfoy and she knew that she would make it up to him. Someday. Somehow. She would be the best friend he could ask for. _When_ he was ready to have her as a friend again. _If _he was ever ready to have her as a friend again.

She understood that it would take a while for him to be able to be around her again. She didn't know if things could ever be the same as what they were before.

But she was willing to try.

And hopefully he would be too.

Someday.

**Please Review!**

**Hugs and Kisses,**

** Shadowdustxxx**


	11. A Chuisle mo Chroí

**Hello all! This is the final chapter of M'anam chara! Sorry it took so long! Leaving Cert is a pain in the ass! Hope everyone is having a great Easter or whatever else you guys are celebrating! I know I'm completely stuffed full of chocolate! :)  
**

**anyway hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks to everyone who has read this story and a special thanks to all of you that have reviewed!  
**

**Special thanks to Mimi, for being the greatest friend ever! I couldn't have written this story without her! :)  
**

Hermione was once told to stop saying "I love you". When she was younger she loved her dog, her doll, chocolate, the man on the moon and her parents, of course. She understood why now. Why her grandfather told her to keep those words for the one person who deserved them. Saying that eight lettered phrase should be sacred; meant for someone you truly love, meant for someone you can't live without … no matter how hard you try to.

"I love you" is, perhaps, the most overused, mundane and clichéd phrase in the entire universe. Sometimes it means nothing. But sometimes it means _everything._ Those three syllables can change your life.

There are hundreds of different languages to choose from. Je T'aime, S' Agapo, Wo Ai Ni, Ich Liebe Dich, Ti Amo, Táim i ngrá leat- just to name a few ways. But they all mean the same thing. They all tell the recipient of these hallowed words how much you care for them and how much you never want to be apart from them again.

There are a thousand better ways to covey the same message. But still those three simple words seem to win out in most cases. But not today though…today the words were spoken in Irish.

Whispered exchanges of love during sacred vows.

Two silhouettes stood bathed in moonlight. Two souls about to be joined in marriage. Two lovers who wanted nothing more than to be together forever.

They faced each other, barely hearing the words the priest spoke. Hermione wore a blissful smile. Her eyes were only for her soon-to-be husband, as his were for her. Their audience of family and friends were forgotten in the shadows of the trees that were surrounding the forest clearing.

"Hermione, an toil leatsa bheith i do bhean chéile agamsa?" His grey eyes bore into her eyes with unyielding intensity. His voice was quiet but there was no denying the love that ran threw it.

("Hermione, do you consent to be my wife?")

"Is toil. Draco, an toil leatsa bheith i d'fhear céile agamsa?" Hermione sounded like her usual confident self but inside her stomach was doing somersaults.

("I do. Do you, Draco, consent to be my husband?")

"Is toil. Glacaim leat mar bhean chéile agus bronnaim mé féin ort mar fhear céile —"

("I do. I take you as my wife, and I give myself to you as your husband-")

"Glacaim leat mar fhear céile agus bronnaim mé féin ort mar bhean chéile —" A small smile spread over her face as she said the words.

("I take you as my husband, and I give myself to you as your wife.")

"chun grá a thabhairt dá chéile go dílis, más fearr sinn, más measa, más saibhir, más bocht, más tinn nó más slán go scara an bás sinn." Each syllable was so drenched with unadulterated adoration that no-one could doubt the love that existed between this couple.

("to love each other truly,

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

till death do us part.")

An ní a cheanglaíonn Dia, Ná scaoileadh duine é. Go neartaí Dia leis an toil atá tugtha agaibh dá chéile agus go mbronna sé go fial oraibh a bheannacht. The Priest's booming voice echoed around the small clearing.

("What God joins together man must not separate. May the Lord confirm the consent that you have given, and enrich you with his blessings.")

At that second the feelings of happiness and love threatened to explode inside of Hermione's heart. She couldn't remember the last time she was so happy. She was his. He was hers. And she knew that she would never let anything tear them apart.

It was real. They were man and wife. It wasn't just another elaborated plot conjured up by her imagination. She had spent the last five years wishing that she had never left him, hoping to find him again. And, now, here he was, standing in front of her, looking at her with those eyes. She had forgotten how much his gaze affected her and, right this moment, as he looked at her as if he was drinking in every detail, she blushed. She couldn't help it. She was powerless. Strangely she didn't care.

When they were apart the hurt and the sadness had almost consumed her heart and devoured her soul. But she made it through. _They_ had made it through, both her and Draco. They still carried the scars. They had memorised the hurt.

But they had learned lessons along the way. Not to be afraid of your feelings for one and not to be afraid of other people's reactions to their relationship. Hermione knew that she would never let fear hinder her again. She would never be ashamed to say that Draco was her husband, that she was Mrs. Malfoy.

***

She advanced towards the sleeping figure. She smiled silently to herself. The moon seemed to radiate as he lay snoozing on the floor of the crisp, cool grass. She knelt down beside him, trying her utmost not to wake him. She wanted to savour this moment. She brushed some stray hair off his forehead, dipping her head to place a kiss on it.

She was so caught in a trance recalling forgotten memories that she didn't see his eyelashes begin to flutter.

"Hey" he murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"Speaking English, are we?" Hermione asked. "I was starting to think you had a _mild_ aversion to your native tongue"

"Well, we're not hiding our relationship anymore. There's no need for it"

"I guess you're right." Hermione replied as she lay down beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled into his chest.

"So, how were your first few hours of being Mrs. Malfoy?" he asked into her hair.

"They were perfect, until my husband decided to escape from our wedding reception and have a catnap at Hogwarts Lake. Mrs. Goyle said she wasn't surprised though. She said it was about time you realised that you had made the biggest mistake of your life, marrying a Mud-blood that is."

"Don't mind her. She's always been like that, an opinionated old busy-body"

"I know" Hermione said softly. She fiddled with one of the buttons on his white shirt. He had already thrown his cravat and his black jacket aside.

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?" she answered, not looking up.

"I'll never finish loving you. Not now. Not ever. I can't imagine a time that I could live without you by my side. Not again. I love you. I won't let anything tear us apart again."

Hermione raised her head, laying her chin on his chest. "I love you too" she said. Then she kissed him. She let herself get lost in the kiss. She felt his arms pulling her closer. He kissed her softly but it was a kiss she could feel all the way to her toes.

It felt like a kiss you'd get from your soulmate….from your anam chara.

She felt like she would never get enough of him.

She could do this forever, for the rest of her life.

She didn't know what the future would bring but she was ready to face anything.

With Draco.

Always with Draco.

Together.

As man and wife.

She liked the sound of that.

**Hope you liked it!**

**Please Review!**

**Lots of Love,**

**Shadowdustxxx**


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